I think I'm a bit...stressed... I suppose.
I'm beginning to wonder if I should stay in this city or even if this city likes me. Ever since I got here, I've had miserable luck.
The internet in this apartment is kinda sucky.
I've had terrible luck with my car. I want to take her back home, but I don't want to risk the chance of not being able to come back with her. What if she breaks down on the way home or won't start up again to come back with me? It's my only means of transportation and I will really need a vehicle when I do my practicums. Since I got here she had a dead battery, a broken side view mirror, and just can never stay clean! She is always covered in dirt for some reason even though this apt complex is all cement and she's under the parking roof place. Idk.
I broke my glasses with a simple drop from the table...that was simply ridiculous! Honestly, they've been through so much worse stuff and a simple drop from the table broke them.
School is ok I suppose. I was almost run over just once. There is a great amount of pressure in the degree of importance this future job requires. At times it sinks in, but I think I get so scared that I tend to forget the pressure of it. I recently went to the hospital for my phlebotomy practicum. It was a really sad place. All those people in there looked tired, pale, bruised, and well some looked rather lonely. There were some that I just felt really bad for waking them up so early in the morning (3am). They just wanted to rest, and this ghoul was waking them up and practice drawing their blood. God I felt so guilty afterwards. This one lady asked me if I was a dancer. She was so sweet, and she talked to me of her younger days when she would teach dancing. She had so many hematomas thatI didn't want to draw any blood from her. I tried hard not to hurt her but her vein collapsed. I'm just glad I was able to react and not just stare as the hematoma formed. Her skin was thin, that I could see the blood accumilating to form a bigger hematoma. The guilt. It will stay with me forever. I know they keep telling that every sample is a patient waiting to be healed, and I guess this is just a way for us to see and feel the faces behind the samples. I did understand this from the beginning but now it has sunken in. I wanted to perform well in lab, but the simple thought that I can practically misdiagnose someone and potential kill or seriously hurt someone is very nerve wracking and scary. I worry so much about my performance in the lab that I just tend to forget about the lecture. I think I did ok in my lecture final, but I got so nervous in my lab exam that my streakings were too heavy and my bacteria weren't that well isolated. I was shaking while plating so I guess that explains it. Today, I just didn't know if I should have done a separate subculture....and I just remembered I didn't do a panel for the wound enteric.....oh man. I guess I'll just read my stool panel tomorrow. Great.... but I guess I have a greater motivation to do better.
Health wise, my sleeping pattern is horrible. I think I'm getting super huge dark circles or I'm getting paler as the days pass. I'm losing a weight again. I know it usually comes and goes at normal intervals, but I think this time I'm losing weight faster than normal. I try to rationalize this with my eating habits and walks to school, but I know I'm eating even more than before and I'm still losing. I got headaches from the use of my old glasses, so they are kinda gone now. I've had a recurrent pain on my legs (probably due to the walking) and the pain on my right ankle. I know my knees are messed up after so many torn ligaments and capillaries, but for some reason the right ankle has been hurting constantly.
Scarier of all, I think I have a ganglion cyst on the dorsal side of the wrist. It's quite small and only noticeable when I bend my wrist but the thought that I have something abnormally growing in my wrist makes me uncomfortable....it's like a pimple or something that I just want to drain lolol. eww gross. lol. I know my body can't really break it down and it ultimately needs to be drained....but I don't think my school insurance will cover a surgery for its removal.
deep siggggggggggggggggggggggggh*
It's irrelevant, but He-man is kinda gross. lololol I don't like super buff guys...I kinda get weirded out. hahah
I'm beginning to wonder if I should stay in this city or even if this city likes me. Ever since I got here, I've had miserable luck.
The internet in this apartment is kinda sucky.
I've had terrible luck with my car. I want to take her back home, but I don't want to risk the chance of not being able to come back with her. What if she breaks down on the way home or won't start up again to come back with me? It's my only means of transportation and I will really need a vehicle when I do my practicums. Since I got here she had a dead battery, a broken side view mirror, and just can never stay clean! She is always covered in dirt for some reason even though this apt complex is all cement and she's under the parking roof place. Idk.
I broke my glasses with a simple drop from the table...that was simply ridiculous! Honestly, they've been through so much worse stuff and a simple drop from the table broke them.
School is ok I suppose. I was almost run over just once. There is a great amount of pressure in the degree of importance this future job requires. At times it sinks in, but I think I get so scared that I tend to forget the pressure of it. I recently went to the hospital for my phlebotomy practicum. It was a really sad place. All those people in there looked tired, pale, bruised, and well some looked rather lonely. There were some that I just felt really bad for waking them up so early in the morning (3am). They just wanted to rest, and this ghoul was waking them up and practice drawing their blood. God I felt so guilty afterwards. This one lady asked me if I was a dancer. She was so sweet, and she talked to me of her younger days when she would teach dancing. She had so many hematomas thatI didn't want to draw any blood from her. I tried hard not to hurt her but her vein collapsed. I'm just glad I was able to react and not just stare as the hematoma formed. Her skin was thin, that I could see the blood accumilating to form a bigger hematoma. The guilt. It will stay with me forever. I know they keep telling that every sample is a patient waiting to be healed, and I guess this is just a way for us to see and feel the faces behind the samples. I did understand this from the beginning but now it has sunken in. I wanted to perform well in lab, but the simple thought that I can practically misdiagnose someone and potential kill or seriously hurt someone is very nerve wracking and scary. I worry so much about my performance in the lab that I just tend to forget about the lecture. I think I did ok in my lecture final, but I got so nervous in my lab exam that my streakings were too heavy and my bacteria weren't that well isolated. I was shaking while plating so I guess that explains it. Today, I just didn't know if I should have done a separate subculture....and I just remembered I didn't do a panel for the wound enteric.....oh man. I guess I'll just read my stool panel tomorrow. Great.... but I guess I have a greater motivation to do better.
Health wise, my sleeping pattern is horrible. I think I'm getting super huge dark circles or I'm getting paler as the days pass. I'm losing a weight again. I know it usually comes and goes at normal intervals, but I think this time I'm losing weight faster than normal. I try to rationalize this with my eating habits and walks to school, but I know I'm eating even more than before and I'm still losing. I got headaches from the use of my old glasses, so they are kinda gone now. I've had a recurrent pain on my legs (probably due to the walking) and the pain on my right ankle. I know my knees are messed up after so many torn ligaments and capillaries, but for some reason the right ankle has been hurting constantly.
Scarier of all, I think I have a ganglion cyst on the dorsal side of the wrist. It's quite small and only noticeable when I bend my wrist but the thought that I have something abnormally growing in my wrist makes me uncomfortable....it's like a pimple or something that I just want to drain lolol. eww gross. lol. I know my body can't really break it down and it ultimately needs to be drained....but I don't think my school insurance will cover a surgery for its removal.
deep siggggggggggggggggggggggggh*
It's irrelevant, but He-man is kinda gross. lololol I don't like super buff guys...I kinda get weirded out. hahah
