I have work to do, but I had this dream last night and I have to write it somewhere.
I was back home with some people whom I don't know in real life, but I apparently did know them since they were renting my parents home.
From the window this guy, whom I had really loved and imagined myself with him for like throughout my junior year of high school to some college, crawled in onto the bed. I think he was going to cover my eyes, but we jokingly just armed wrestled. Then I rolled over to the corner and he left; a few minutes passed, he came back, sat down, and I just looked at him and slowly woke up.
I guess you can say it was a sweet dream, but I think it was a dream that made me realize that I really don't miss this guy who I allowed to treat me like shit. The story behind him is not that bad really. I thought he was a really nice person and quite friendly to others. He loved to joke around, but his jokes on me where a bit too harsh, and I would sometimes get the feeling that he either hated my guts or just really didn't like my soul's existence. He had someone he liked, and I knew this, so I just kept things as friendship. There was this girl whom my gut feeling never really trusted, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and when she asked me if I liked him I said yes followed by childish, girly conversation of 'Don't tell him.'
Some hours later at night she got "high," and told him. Then I got the cold shoulder from him, and I basically was nonexistent to him. I confronted both (separately of course). I tried to understand the why behind her actions. Why did she have to go and tell him. She denied everything. Then I went and talked to him. He denied knowing. I apologized for not telling him directly, but I knew (basically all of our friends knew) that he liked this other girl and therefore I didn't tell. After a few minutes, he said to not worry about it. The scene that followed is still etched: he wanted to make up with a hug. He came up opened his arms, and I looked at him and said "No that's fine." I placed my hands in front and moved away. I have this policy for myself since a little kid (~13 or 14 yrs old I think). Never allow a guy who is a.) not your boyfriend, b.) not your brother or family member, c.) not someone your gut feelings say it's ok, and d.) someone you don't trust, come near you into your personal bubble, kiss you, or hug you. Respect yourself and the person whom you might meet in the future.
So, I told him it was fine. That it was not his fault, but of my poor judgement of who I could trust. The fact that he was like this with me was not my major concern, but what had actually been painful was her actions. Then I thanked him for hearing me out and I left.
Trust is something that comes easily, but is always double checked before given out. I put to much emphasize on this little idea of "trust" and so I must be careful onto who I give to. Heck most of my close friends are not really that close. It sounds really childish I know, but I hate having to go through the same melodrama that the breakage of trust follows. I've always thought and felt that trust is something very precious and is up there with love.
Of course, there are times when I give this trust to someone who I just met, which brings me to point of this dream. When I woke up from this dream, I said I slowly wake up because I did. As I opened my eyes, the room was slowly changing into my apartment (without the furniture of course). Like a mirage or slide transition from the power point that disappears to the next slide or something. Throughout this wakening, someone else was in my head. When I woke up, I realized that there was someone whom I really missed and was in my head the whole time.
I really am over this first guy, since I don't know when. Maybe I just never realized that this new person was etched really nicely in my head lol. He was the only one after that incident that I just felt like trusted him. Why? I don't really understand it. It felt like I knew him already. Like I could be myself with him. I could tell him anything. I knew him and understood him (not 100% but in many thing) really well to the point that it surprised him. I had actually decided not to trust anyone so easily. Maybe become a bit cold as a self defense, but I didn't like that idea since not many are like her. I wasn't too sure what way to go. I was doubting like always. Then he came by and trusted me with his personal life story and ideas. This got me thinking that I shouldn't doubt everyone one else in this world because of a few. I should have a small check and balances like the govt does. lol. Seriously!
I don't know. Life is a funny thing. I'm a funny thing. I'm the type of person who will cry her heart out when someone breaks her trust than when a guy breaks her heart. How much funnier can that be!!
sigh I have intestinal pathogens and other cute amoebas I have to learn so I'm going to study. :]
I was back home with some people whom I don't know in real life, but I apparently did know them since they were renting my parents home.
From the window this guy, whom I had really loved and imagined myself with him for like throughout my junior year of high school to some college, crawled in onto the bed. I think he was going to cover my eyes, but we jokingly just armed wrestled. Then I rolled over to the corner and he left; a few minutes passed, he came back, sat down, and I just looked at him and slowly woke up.
I guess you can say it was a sweet dream, but I think it was a dream that made me realize that I really don't miss this guy who I allowed to treat me like shit. The story behind him is not that bad really. I thought he was a really nice person and quite friendly to others. He loved to joke around, but his jokes on me where a bit too harsh, and I would sometimes get the feeling that he either hated my guts or just really didn't like my soul's existence. He had someone he liked, and I knew this, so I just kept things as friendship. There was this girl whom my gut feeling never really trusted, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and when she asked me if I liked him I said yes followed by childish, girly conversation of 'Don't tell him.'
Some hours later at night she got "high," and told him. Then I got the cold shoulder from him, and I basically was nonexistent to him. I confronted both (separately of course). I tried to understand the why behind her actions. Why did she have to go and tell him. She denied everything. Then I went and talked to him. He denied knowing. I apologized for not telling him directly, but I knew (basically all of our friends knew) that he liked this other girl and therefore I didn't tell. After a few minutes, he said to not worry about it. The scene that followed is still etched: he wanted to make up with a hug. He came up opened his arms, and I looked at him and said "No that's fine." I placed my hands in front and moved away. I have this policy for myself since a little kid (~13 or 14 yrs old I think). Never allow a guy who is a.) not your boyfriend, b.) not your brother or family member, c.) not someone your gut feelings say it's ok, and d.) someone you don't trust, come near you into your personal bubble, kiss you, or hug you. Respect yourself and the person whom you might meet in the future.
So, I told him it was fine. That it was not his fault, but of my poor judgement of who I could trust. The fact that he was like this with me was not my major concern, but what had actually been painful was her actions. Then I thanked him for hearing me out and I left.
Trust is something that comes easily, but is always double checked before given out. I put to much emphasize on this little idea of "trust" and so I must be careful onto who I give to. Heck most of my close friends are not really that close. It sounds really childish I know, but I hate having to go through the same melodrama that the breakage of trust follows. I've always thought and felt that trust is something very precious and is up there with love.
Of course, there are times when I give this trust to someone who I just met, which brings me to point of this dream. When I woke up from this dream, I said I slowly wake up because I did. As I opened my eyes, the room was slowly changing into my apartment (without the furniture of course). Like a mirage or slide transition from the power point that disappears to the next slide or something. Throughout this wakening, someone else was in my head. When I woke up, I realized that there was someone whom I really missed and was in my head the whole time.
I really am over this first guy, since I don't know when. Maybe I just never realized that this new person was etched really nicely in my head lol. He was the only one after that incident that I just felt like trusted him. Why? I don't really understand it. It felt like I knew him already. Like I could be myself with him. I could tell him anything. I knew him and understood him (not 100% but in many thing) really well to the point that it surprised him. I had actually decided not to trust anyone so easily. Maybe become a bit cold as a self defense, but I didn't like that idea since not many are like her. I wasn't too sure what way to go. I was doubting like always. Then he came by and trusted me with his personal life story and ideas. This got me thinking that I shouldn't doubt everyone one else in this world because of a few. I should have a small check and balances like the govt does. lol. Seriously!
I don't know. Life is a funny thing. I'm a funny thing. I'm the type of person who will cry her heart out when someone breaks her trust than when a guy breaks her heart. How much funnier can that be!!
sigh I have intestinal pathogens and other cute amoebas I have to learn so I'm going to study. :]
